HE RETIRES TO A COUNTRY-HOUSE

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Thou, O Most Merciful Lord, forgiven and remitted this sin also in the holy water, with my others most horrible and deadly?

CHAPTER III.

Verecundus offers him his Country-house.

VEREC

I

VERECUNDUS was racked with anxiety at that our blessing, because he, being still most firmly held by his bonds, saw he would lose our companionship. He was not yet a Christian: his wife, however, was one of the faithful; and yet by that chain he was held back more than by any other from that journey upon which we had entered. For he declared, that he would not become a Christian on any other terms than those on which he could not. However, he kindly offered us to remain in his country residence as long as we should stay in those parts. Thou, O Lord, shalt reward him "in the resurrection of the just," seeing that Thou hast already given him their "lot."2 For although, during our absence, whilst we were now at Rome, he was overtaken with bodily illness, and during it being made a Christian and one of the faithful, had departed this life; yet thus hadst Thou mercy not on him only, but also on us; lest, remembering the exceeding kindness of our friend towards us, and not numbering him in Thy flock, we should be tortured with intolerable regret. Thanks to Thee, our God, we are Thine. Thy exhortations and consolations-faithful Promiser-assure us that Thou now recompensest Verecundus for that country-house at Cassiacum,

Luke xiv. 14.

2 Ps. cxxv. 3.

228

ABRAHAM'S BOSOM

where, from the turmoil of the world, we reposed in Thee, with the delights of the perpetual freshness of Thy Paradise; since Thou hadst forgiven him his sins upon earth, "in that mountain of curds,' Thy own mountain, Thy rich mountain.”

At that time, then, he was tormented; but Nebridius was delighted. For although he also, not being yet a Christian, had fallen into that pit of most pernicious error, of believing the flesh of Thy Son, the Truth, to be only an appearance; yet emerging thence, he became such as we were, not being yet initiated in any of the Sacraments of Thy Church, but a most ardent inquirer after truth. Whom, not long after our conversion and regeneration by Thy Baptism, having also become a faithful member of the Catholic Church, and serving Thee in perfect chastity and continence amongst his kindred in Africa, when his whole household through him had been made Christian, Thou didst release from the flesh; and now he lives "in Abraham's bosom." Whatever that may be which is signified by that bosom, there lives my Nebridius, my dear friend, but Thy son, O Lord, adopted of a freedman; there he lives. For what other place would there be for such a soul? There he lives, in the place about which he used much to question me, me an inexperienced poor fellow. Now he does not apply his ear to my mouth, but his spiritual mouth to Thy Fountain; and drinks in wisdom as much as he

1 Ps. lxviii. 16. The allusion is to one version of Ps. lxviii. 16, in which "'high' hill" is rendered "mountain of curds." The "mountain" is Christ; the milk, the gifts of grace which flow from Him.

2 Luke xvi. 22.

THE DEAD REMEMBER THE LIVING 229

can receive, according to his thirst, happy without end. Nor do I think him to be so inebriated by it as to forget me, seeing Thou, O Lord, Whom he drinks, dost not forget us. Thus, then, we were at that time consoling the sad Verecundus (our friendship remaining) about our conversion, such as it was, and exhorting him to become faithful according to his condition, a conjugal one; and waiting for Nebridius to follow us, which, being so very near, he was all but doing when, lo! those days rolled by at last; for long and many they seemed, through my love for restful liberty, that I might sing unto Thee from my whole inmost being. 66 My heart hath said unto Thee,

I have sought Thy Face; Thy Face, Lord, will I seek."1

CHAPTER IV.

At Cassiacum some Books were written. Letters sent to Nebridius. With what heavenly Graces he was imbued, and with what great Devotion and Piety, whilst he explained the Psalms. He is suddenly freed from severe Toothache.

A

ND the day came on which I was in very deed to be freed from the Professorship of Rhetoric, from which I had already been freed in thought. And it came to pass. Thou didst deliver my tongue, whence Thou hadst already delivered my heart; and I blessed Thee, and joyfully retired with all my friends to the villa. What I accomplished there in writing, now indeed employed in Thy service, though in this Ps. xxvii. 8.

230 AUGUSTINE'S LOVE FOR THE PSALMS

interval still panting from the school of pride—my books, composed of disputations with others and of soliloquies before Thee, testify; what passed between me and the absent Nebridius, my letters testify. And when will there be time enough to commemorate all Thy great benefits towards us at that period, especially when hastening on to yet greater mercies? For my memory brings it back to me, and it is sweet to me, to confess to Thee, O Lord, by what inward pricks Thou didst tame me, and how "Thou didst level me, bringing low the mountains and hills of my imaginations, and didst make straight my crookedness, and smooth my rough places;" and how Thou didst also subdue Alypius, the very brother of my heart, unto the Name of Thy Only-begotten, our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, which at first he thought unworthy to find a place in our writings. For he would rather that they should be redolent of the "cedars" of the Schools, which "the Lord hath now broken down;"2 than of the wholesome herbs of the Church, hateful to serpents.

With what accents did I address Thee, my God, when I read the Psalms of David, those faithful canticles and songs of devotion, which allow no swelling of spirit; untrained in Thy real Love, resting in that villa, with Alypius a catechumen as well as myself, my mother clinging to us, with a woman's attire but a man's faith, in the calmness of old age, with maternal love and with Christian piety! What accents did I offer Thee in those Psalms, and how was I inflamed with the love of Thee by them, and with the ardent longing to recite them, if possible, Is. xl. 4. Luke iii. 45. 2 Ps. xxix. 5.

THEIR EFFECT UPON HIM

231

through the whole world, against the swelling pride of mankind! And yet throughout the world they are chanted, and there is "no one who can hide himself from Thy heat." * With what vehement and bitter sorrow was I indignant against the Manichæans, whom yet again I had felt pity for, because they had no knowledge of those Sacraments, those medicines, and were mad against the antidote by which they could be made sane! How I would that they had been near me then, and when I was not aware that they were there, that they had looked upon my face, when I read the fourth psalm in that time of rest, and how it affected me-"when I called, the God of my righteousness heard me; in tribulation Thou hast enlarged me. Have mercy upon me, O Lord, and hear my prayer." O that they might have heard what I uttered on these words, I being unconscious of their presence, lest it should be thought that I spake what I did, on account of them. For, on the contrary, had I known that they were present and were listening to me, I should not indeed have made use of the same words or have spoken in the same manner; neither, if I had done so, would the words have had the same effect, as when I alone and for myself had spoken them before Thee, out of the familiar affection of my spirit.

I quaked with fear, and then again I burned with hope and with exultation in Thy Mercy, Father. And all these found an outlet through my eyes and lips, when Thy good Spirit, turning unto us, said, "O ye sons of men, how long will ye be slow of heart? why love vanity and seek after a lie?" For I had loved vanity, and I had sought after a lie. And Thou, O

1 Ps. xix. 6.

2 Ps. x. 2.