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.202 VESSELS MEET FOR the master's use"

gentle yoke of Thy Christ, and became a provincial of the great King, loved to be called Paul, instead of his former name Saul, in token of so great and illustrious a victory.1

But

For the enemy is more overcome in him of whom he has more hold; by whom, too, he holds more. the proud he holds more on account of their nobility, and through them more on account of their authority. By how much the more acceptable was the heart of Victorinus esteemed, which the devil had held as an unassailable possession, and the tongue of Victorinus, with which mighty and acute weapon he had destroyed many; so much the more abundantly ought Thy sons to rejoice, because our King "hath bound the strong man," and because they saw his "vessels taken from him and purified," and "made meet for Thy honour," and become "serviceable for the Lord, unto every good work."3

BUT

CHAPTER V.

What delayed his Return to God.

UT when Thy servant, Simplicianus, related this to me about Victorinus, I burned with the desire to imitate him; for this was his object in relating it. But when he also added, that in the days of the Emperor Julian, a law was passed which prohibited Christians from teaching grammar and rhetoric; and

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S. Jerome says, "As Scipio, after the conquest of Africa, took the name Africanus, ... so Saul being sent to preach to the Gentiles, brought back a trophy of his victory from the first spoils gained for the Church, the Proconsul Sergius Paulus.” 2 Matt. xii. 29. Tim. 11. 21.

me.

THE BONDAGE OF EVIL HABIT

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that he willed rather to desert the wordy school than Thy Word, by which Thou makest "the tongues of them that cannot speak eloquent;" he seemed to me not less brave than happy in having an opportunity of being wholly occupied with Thee. It was what I was longing for, but I was bound, not by the chains of another, but by my own iron will. The enemy held my will, and with me made a chain for me and bound For from a perverse will, lust was made; and in obeying lust, habit was formed, and habit not resisted, became necessity. By which links, as it were, joined together therefore I call it a chain-was I held shackled with a hard bondage. But the new will which I began to have, freely to worship Thee, and to wish to enjoy Thee, O God, the only sure Sweetness, was not yet strong enough to overcome that other will, strengthened by age. So these my two wills-the one old, the other new; the one carnal, the other spiritual-contended together, and by their discord disturbed my soul.

So I understood by my own experience, what I had read, how "the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh." It was myself indeed in either will; yet more myself in that which I approved in myself, than in that which in myself I disapproved. For in this latter, it was more not myself, for in great part I rather suffered it against my will than acted willingly. But yet it was through me, that habit had obtained such a fierce ascendancy over me, because I had willingly come whither I willed not. And who can justly speak against it, when just punishment follows the sinner? Nor had I now the excuse which I used to plead, when I did not yet despise the world I Wisd. x. 21. 2 Gal. v. 17.

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THE SEDUCTIVE POWER OF SIN

and enter upon Thy service, because I was doubtful about Thy truth; but now I was certain of it. But I, still bound to earth, refused to fight on Thy side ; being as much afraid of being freed from all hindrances, as I ought to have feared being hindered by them.

Thus with the baggage of this world I was sweetly pressed down, as it happens in sleep; and the thoughts by which I meditated on Thee were like the efforts of those who would awake, but who being overpowered by deep drowsiness, are again immersed therein. And as no one wishes to be always asleep, and in the sound judgment of all men waking is better; yet often does a man, when a heavy drowsiness is upon his limbs, defer to shake off sleep, and though not approving it, yet even when the time to rise has come, more willingly encourage it; so was I convinced that it was better for me to surrender myself to Thy Charity, than to yield myself up to my own lusts; but the former course approved itself and convinced me, the latter pleased me and held me bound. There was nothing in me to respond to Thy call, "Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light :" and to Thee, on all sides showing me that what Thou saidst was true, I, convicted by the truth, had nothing to say in reply, but only drawling and drowsy words, Presently; yes, presently;" "Wait a little while.” But "presently and presently had no present ;" and "wait a little while" went on to a long while. In vain "I delighted in Thy law according to the inner man, when another law in my members warred against the law of my mind, and brought me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members." " For the law of Rom. vii. 22, 23.

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Eph. v. 14.

2

" I

THE POWER OF DIVINE GRACE

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sin is the force of habit, whereby the mind is drawn and held even unwillingly; but deservedly, in that it willingly fell into it. "Who then should deliver me, wretched man, from the body of this death, but Thy Grace, through Jesus Christ our Lord ?"

CHAPTER VI.

Pontitianus gives an Account of the Life of Antony.

AND how thou didst deliver me from the bondage

2

of carnal desire, which so bitterly enslaved me, and from the drudgery of worldly business, I will relate and will confess unto Thy Name, "O Lord, my Helper and my Redeemer." " I was doing my usual work, amid increasing anxiety, and daily did I sigh to Thee. I attended Thy Church, whenever my business would allow me, under the weight of which I groaned. Alypius was with me, being free from legal business after the third session, and awaiting further opportunity of selling his counsels, as I also sold skill in speaking, if indeed such can be learned from another. Nebridius, indeed, had, in consideration of our friendship, been induced to teach under Verecundus, a citizen and grammarian of Milan, as a most intimate friend of ours; who urgently desired and by the right of friendship claimed from our number the faithful help he needed so much. Nebridius then was not drawn to this by love of gain (for his learning might have commanded a better post), but as a most sweet and compliant friend, out of kindness he was unwilling to despise our request. But in this he acted most 1 Rom. vii. 25.

2 Ps. xix. 14.

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S. ANTONY IN THE DESERT

prudently, avoiding the acquaintance of persons of great repute in the world, and thereby escaping all the distraction of mind connected with it, as he wished to have his mind free and at leisure as many hours as possible, to seek, or read, or hear something about wisdom. On a certain day then, Nebridius being absent (I do not remember why), lo, there came to my house to see me and Alypius, Pontitianus, a countryman of ours, in so much as he was an African, who was in high office at the Court. I know not what his business was ; and so we sat down to talk together, and by chance upon a play-table which was before us he noticed a book, took, opened it, and found it, much to his surprise, to be the Apostle Paul; for he had expected to find it one of those books which was wearing me out in my profession. Then, laughing and looking at me, he congratulated me, and expressed his surprise that he had suddenly found these writings, and these only, before my eyes. For indeed he was a Christian, and one of the faithful, and often prostrated himself before Thee our God in church in frequent and long prayers. Το whom when I had declared that these Scriptures were my chief study, a conversation arose from what he related of Antony,' the Egyptian monk, who was in 1 S. Antony was born in A. D. 251. On hearing Matt. xix. 21 and vi. 37 read, he resolved to part with all his possessions, which were considerable, and to give them to the poor and to his neighbours. He retired into the desert, where he suffered great temptations. He had an ardent love for prayer, solitude, and retreat, but devoted a considerable time also to manual labour and reading. He is said to have been favoured with visions, and that great miracles were wrought through his instrumentality. He died at the age of one hundred and five years, greatly venerated.

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