nei prefer to have their terminating promi- lead to any very notable discovery are nence moulded in imitation of a cocoa- of service in tracing the filiation of nut. And I have little doubt, when ideas, I may further remark, that it the interior of the African continent is was after a careful perusal of the Phrebetter known, that nations will be nological Notices regarding Haggart's found with their craniums compressed head, attached to the end of that murinto forms still more unaccountable.* derer's narrative, and the very satis The mere mention of these undoubted factory illustration of that almost pro facts, when coupled with the know- phetic art, which can, by manipulation, het ledge of the functions of the brain de typify a thrice-condemned convict as rived from the writings of all, Spurz- a remarkable culprit, before he is acheim, and their British disciples, must tually hanged ! My supper this even awaken, in the minds of philosophic ing consisted of a plate of strawberries, this observers, ideas of the perfectibility of (very small ones,) and about the shes the human race, and the concentration eighth part of an ounce, by estimation, is and expansion of the powers of the hu- of Scottish Parmasan, viz. ewe-milk is man mind, which may make the gold- cheese.-Thus much for the ascertain en age of the old world, or the Mille- ment of my discovery, which, I have nium of the present, an event within little doubt, will add a few leaves more the reach of ordinary life, and perfect- to the already flourishing laurel which ly practicable in the next generation, already encircles the head of Sir To I know the envy generally attached bias Tickletobæus, Baronet. + to the promulgator of a new discovery; As all the organs of thought and voand I should not have dared, did a lition are as distinctly laid down in the court of inquisition exist in this coun- cranial map of Gall and Spurzheim as try, perhaps even to hint at the gene- the position of the Isle of May, or the ralization of facts collected by the great Bell Rock, in the charts of the coast of men who have gone before me in the Scotland, and as I have already deroad of discovery. But if the scheme monstrated the practicability of comI have now to propose be taken up by pressing the cranial bones, at an early Parliament in their next session, I age, into any conceivable form,-10pledge myself, (the principles of Gall thing more is required, to give a new and Spurzheim retaining their infalli- and definite direction to the thoughts bility,) gradually to lessen by its means and feelings of the next generation, the aunual amount of crime in this than to mould the infant head to a country, and in the course of thirty given form, by the simple application years, the common term for a genera- of an unyielding metal head-dress, tion of human beings, to banish it en- formed so as only to permit the devetirely from Great Britain. lopement of the required organs. These As it is of considerable importance, metal caps might be moulded from the however, and as it may prevent the heads of those whose ruling passions honour of my discovery from being were most strongly marked ; and, conappropriated by others, and save å tinuing them of the same form, they world of literary controversy about might be made of increasing sizes, so priority of ideas, I beg to mention, as to suit every shade of growth, from that the idea came into my organ of puling infancy to the full grown man. inventiveness on the twenty-fifth of If the elevation of the skull, at a cerJuly, one thousand, eight hundred, tain part, be occasioned by the deveand twenty-one, ten minutes after lopement of a particular organ situated eleven o'clock at night, and that it under it, (and this has been clearly de entered into my very marked organ of monstrated by Dr Spurzheim, and his benevolence in less than three minutes Scottish disciples,) there can be noafter. As all the circumstances which thing more easy in nature, or in the * The relation which Shakespeare puts into the mouth of Othello, of men whose heads do grow beneath their shoulders,” may turn out to be a veritable fact. Othello, it will be observed, was a native of Africa. * My German commentators generally quote me by my Christian name Tobias ; but the Dutch translators always denominate me as above. I mention this, because it has, in more than one instance, occurred that I have been confounded with my uncle Toby," and I wish as long as possible to preserve my personal identity. ; brass and iron manufactures, than to and it were necessary to have a standfurnish metal caps, which, by repress- ing army kept up, one or two hundred ing the growth of the injurious, and thousand children, with steel caps encouraging the expansion of the good which should allow only the organs of affections, would inevitably make all combativeness and destructiveness to the future generations of Britons to enlarge in their infant craniums, would think and act alike for the common place the country in perfect safety welfare. For instance, were the Pro- from the danger of foreign invasion; testant succession wished to be secured whue a due proportion of the organ of to the descendants of the present determinativeness in our peasantry and reigning family, let the royal infants mechanics, might make our subjugabe provided, from their births, with tion a matter of absolute impossibiiron caps, with a large vacancy for lity. amativeness and philoprogenitiveness, In short, the thirty-three divisions in which these organs might shoot up into which the skull is arranged, and to the utmost luxuriance; and if the thirty-three propensities corre : the organs of benevolence and right- sponding to these divisions, may be so eousness, (why not benevolentiveness modified, by adopting metal cases for and righteousiveness, Messrs Gall and the covering of the heads of the young, Spurzheim?) were thought necessa- as to produce any quantity of talent rery in sovereigns, their growth might quired. The Parliament have only to be encouraged at the expence of other pass an act, ordering a sufficient numorgans of less public value,-as self- ber of these skull-moulds to be made; loveativeness and covetiveness. Re- of various sizes, for the use of every pressing the disposition to furtiveness parish ; and to make it felony, without and secretiveness in the nextgeneration, benefit of clergy, for the next generathe cause of one class of crimes would tion to be without them, at least till be instantly done away. Allow not the wished-for organs have sufficiently the organs of destructiveness and com, displayed themselves. Of the effects bativeness to expand their bony cover- of this discovery upon the future fate ing, and war and ruin will be banished of the world, nobody who possesses one froin the land. When the means of bump out of the thirty-three can allow subsistence become too scanty for the himself to doubt. The extravagance existing population, let the organs of of one sovereign, might easily be made amativeness and philoprogenitiveness up in the penuriousness of his succeshave no room for display in the head- sor; and indeed the measure, by a litdresses of the young, and the next ge- tle care on the part of the parish offineration will live and die in hopeless cers, might make the least wise of the virginity and unregarded celibacy. next generation equal to Newton or The organ of public approbation might Bacon ; and the least eloquent not inmake all the gentlemen in the publicferior to Cicero or Demosthenes. In officeș, now so handsomely paid for fact, the world might be made, in less their trouble, think themselves fully than a century, to advance further in requited for their services by a vote of intellectual and moral improvement, thanks,were this organ to be exclusively than it has done for the last five thouencouraged in the children of the pre- sand years. Wars, and the ravages of sent incumbents. A strict attention war, might be made for ever to cease; to the organ of righteousness, might and the multiplied and varied generasweep away at once all the expensive tions of mankind, might, without riestablishments of courts, judges, and valry, walk their round upon the stage lawyers; and the due production of of life, free from the irritations of pasthe organs of veneration and benevo- sion, and from every stain of moral lence, might save our successors, in turpitude which could either embitless than thirty years, the expence of ter their wanderings in time, or leschurches, and the payment of tithes. sen their hopes of immortality. Then And were other nations not to adopt should we have professors of anatomy the great discovery now promulgated, and butchers (to use a common me * This is printed costiveness, by mistake I presume, in the second edition of Dr Spurzheim's book.-_See Dr Hamilton's work on Purgative Medicines, for the allevia, sion of this troublesome complaint; and the Doctor himself for its permanent cure. taphorical expression,) born with the hopeless dulness, or absolute stupidi.. 50Hz knife in their teeth ; lecturers on every ty; and then the money now expendbranch of science calculated to acquire ed in the education of the young, in the necessary information from their cultivating faculties unmarked, perco: cradles; or, what perhaps would be haps unexisting, in the bony covering 133 still better, the metal caps might be of the cogitative pulp, might be apita constructed so as to allow no faculty plied to more hopeful and necessary to expand beyond the mediocrity of purposes. I hae a theory lying in saut, Lad, gin ye lo'e me, tell me true ; Than the thing that the Carles are to try ye for now, Lad, gin ye lo'e me, tell me now; Old Song: Mur. No, Sir ! - You're wrong for once. I loved the fair Mur. Why, there you're right, sir ; but, when in a scrape, may knock down, and think of nothing ill ; Dialogue between a Phrenologist and a Murderer. * bro Having, in the preceding chapter, of the minor details. The great matter laid the basis of my great discovery be- at the first commencement of the plan fore the public, I now proceed to some would be, to provide accurate models P. 159. As our respectable correspondent, Sir Toby Tickletoby, has omitted to insert a motto for this chapter, perhaps from not having carried his library with him to the Moors, we. have taken the liberty to prefix two, one from a well-known old song--the other from a manuscript of “ Haggart's Life, done into English verse, by an Eminent Hand,” which has been sent us for publication. To ascertain the fidelity of this paraphrase, we were at the trouble of comparing it with the original published narrative, and now subjoin the parallel passages. Phre. “ The present communication is entirely confidential, and will not be abused. David Haggart is therefore requested to be open, and completely candid in his remarks, “ You would not be the slarie of sexual passion, nor greatly given to drink.”. Hag.“ You have mistaken me in this point of sexual passion ; for it was my greatest failing that I had a great inclination to the fair sex ; not, however, of those called prosfitutes ; for I never could bear the thought of a whore, although I was the means of leading away and betraying the innocence of young women, and then leaving them to is the freedom of their own will. I believe that I was master of that art more than any other that I followed. " A little spirits were always necessary, although I could abstain from them at plea. sure, according as it suited the company I was in. When in drink I was very quiet, and would think twice before I spoke once.”—Pp. 167, 168. Phren. “ You would never be cruėl or brutal; and you would never inflict serious sefering upon any individual without bitterly regretting it?” –P. 167. P. 167. of skulls, with the required organs of the shell after the removal of the properly displayed, for the purpose of kernel. It is not too much to expect, having caps made of all sizes to suit therefore, that the possessors of those the growth of the infant cranium. A craniums which have made a noise in search in the tombs of great men, the world, or which have been the whose excellence in any art or science cause of the celebrity of their propriewas known and ascertained, might in tors, may leave them as a legacy to their this view be attended with very bene- admiring countrymen; but it would ficial consequences; but as in ceme- be far more patriotic, certainly, were teries where thousands are annually they now to give them up to the moburied, the confusion of skulls and deller, before old age evaporates the bodies is such in a few years, that one cranial contents, or an additional de would not be able to identify even their posit of osseous matter fills up some of own bones, the effects to be derived the cavities on which eminence defrom skulls drawn from this source, pends. The Duke of Wellington, for could never be accurately depended on. instance, the first general in Europe, It has therefore struck me, that a more and who has so often hazarded his life certain way of procuring models would for the benefit of his country, would, be to have them made from the crani. I am certain, have no objection to have ums of existing talent, where talent is his body shortened a few inches to prowanted, or from the head-pieces of mute so much good, and thus be the patriotism and incorruptible integrity, matrix of a hundred future Welling if any such should be found to exist in tons; and I feel quite confident tha the country. In my speculations on this none of our own celebrated country subject, I at first thought that remo- men, and we have a good many, woul ving the integuments from the outside hesitate for one moment to sacrific of the cranial covering, or scalping our their heads to the future and certain im celebrated countrymen for the purpose provementof their native land. In plac of making casts from the bones of their of one Stewart, and one Scott, (at pre heads, would be sufficient; but as ana- sent the brightest luminaries in or tomists assert that skulls are not every- Scottish horizon,) we might, in a fe where of the same thickness, there years, have hundreds of the one, ar may exist bumps and depressions on thousands of the other; and provide which the talents depend, only to be we were wise enough to keep the me discovered by an internal examination dels in our own hands, (for they ha a Hag: “ Cruel to my inferiors I never was; but I rejoiced to pull the lofty down, make them on a fair level with their brethren in the world. Whatever I did, I nev looked back to my former crimes with regret, as I never thought that was of any use.' P. 167. “ I laid one low with my pistol. Whether I have his murder to answer for,ļI canı tell. But I fear my aim was too true, and the poor fellow looked dead enough.” P. 32. “ Before he had time to challenge me, I hit him a very smart blow on the head w the butt-end of my whip.”—P. 109. “ Our only object was liberty--not to murder poor Thomas Morrin.”—P. 167. Phren. “ The greatest errors have arisen from a great self-esteem, a large combati “ Your nature is, in many respects, different from your actions.”—P. 169. We have quoted these latter passages to shew what an excellent man Haggart v but for his unfortunate convictions, and as additional proofs of the soundness of the the which our correspondent has so eloquently advocated. Though it has been insinuate us in more than one quarter that the observer must have been either blind or “ lush when he made observations so little in accordance with the registers of the criminal cou and though we have heard it remarked as an odd manner of characterising the pro sion of robbery, seduction, and murder, to term it merely “ a sporting line of life, yet as David, according to the indications of his cranium, was • an honourable má and his observer is known to be “ an honourable man," we make no farther remark, t by repeating with Mark Antony, that “ so are they all, all honourable men.”-C. no such heads in any other country,) tained in his thoracic cavity? and does by an era in Scottish literature might ar- not a cannon-shot through the breast * rive, far more splendid than the age put a stop as effectual to the operations fix that boasted of Hume, Smith, and of soul, as if it had been directed to Robertson. Or, say that the worthy the head ? All that the phrenologists managers of our city corporations, and say is, that particular powers of mind the Sheriffs of our counties, were to or soul have been proved to manifest lay their heads together, and resolve themselves in peculiar developements to deny county and civic privileges to of the bones of the head; and all that - every one who should not choose to I say is, that by my glorious invention, have their childrens' heads cramped (as I have no doubt it will be termed into these approved models; and if by after ages,) the growth and devethe General Assembly of our Nation- lopement of these bones may, in early al Church should add the weight of life, from their yielding quality, be their influence to the scheme, and de- made to accommodate themselves to e ny church-privileges to the noncon- the display of any required faculty of formists, I have little doubt that the mind. native enterprise of our countrymen, There is a strong argument from guided by such craniums, would soon analogy, which may be here mentioned acquire the government of the world, in illustration of the doctrine now proand lay the foundation of an empire of pounded. Trees, it is well known, greater extent, and of infinitely more when left to take their own mode of power, than any that has yet existed. growing, always delight to luxuriate It has been objected, I believe, to in the wild irregularity of unshapely the system of Gall, Spurzheim, and and unpruned branches; though it is Company, that its direct tendency is quite well known to the skilful garto lead to the doctrine of Materialism; dener, that they can be made to asbut I see no just grounds for the ob- sume the form of a fan or a cone on jection. If the soul is independent of walls, or expand horizontally on espathe body, and if the bumps and de- liers, at the pleasure of their early inpressions on the human cranium be structors, and still, after all, be trees, the work of this invisible agent, it and bear fruit better than in their wild should rather, I think, afford evidence uneducated state. Now, I will not do of its independent power, that it can my fellow-creatures the injustice to make room for the display of its pecu- suppose, that they are less susceptible liar faculties, without consulting the of cultivation than plumb or cherrymass of matter or the bones where it trees, or that the bony covering of is supposed to have its temporary re- their thirty-three propensities is hardsidence. But as all the demonstrations er than holly or boxwood, or more of soul are only known to us through untractable than the teak or “ knotted the medium of body, it is absurd to oak.” But further illustration is unsay that we can know any thing of this necessary; the very mention of the divine essence, excepting in connexion circumstance must carry conviction to with its corporeal seat. Wine is wine, the mind of the unprejudiced observer whether in a hogshead, a flask, or one of nature. of Day and Martin's blacking-bottles ; It may be objected to the magnifiand soul is soul, whether we suppose cent discovery now enunciated, that its seat to be in the belly, the head, or the sou! may not choose to occupy a the feet . Was ever a philosopher heard habitation moulded to a certain shape, of, who could invent theories, or illus- and that, if forced to reside in a house trate facts, without the assistance of she* does not like, she may sit sullenhis stomach, and the apparatus con- ly in her cell, and disappoint the hopes а * By the bye, why is the soul always of the feminine gender, and the mind neuter ? The Soul, secure in her existence, smiles Sister Spirit, come away? I hope some of those metaphysical writers, who bewilder themselves and confound others, by the indiscriminate use of the terms soul, mind, brain, thinking principle, and so forth, would answer the question. My own soul, I am convinced, is an independent masculine spirit , which shall survive long after the pulpy attributes and bony faculties of plirenological minds shall be crumbled to dust. |
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