Imágenes de página
PDF
ePub
[blocks in formation]

THE BACHELORS' TAX.

SIR.-The Minister having given the contents of his budget for our digestion, allow me, through the medium of your paper, to enter my protest against a tax that falls peculiarly heavy on a very respectable body of his Majesty's most loyal subjeets, called old Bachelors. That the tax in question is oppressive, as a legislative act, my history will sufficiently prove; for with every disposition to connubial happiness, I have hitherto completely failed in my attempts; and I doubt not that numbers, besides my self, stand in the same predicament.-To begin with my history: you must know that I first addressed myself to a most prudent young lady, with whom I interchanged vows of eternal constancy; and was near being made the happiest of men, when an uncle died, from whom I had great expectations, leaving me only a small legacy. This circumstance, and the advances of a rich fox-hunting squire, wrought so much to my disadvantage, that I was dismissed by her friends, and at their suggestion, she very duti fully yielded to the son of the chace. Time, that best soother of human woe, soon performs a cure; and I next figured away with a lady in the fashionable world. Like the owl, I sunk down to repose at the approach of the sun, and arose at his departure. Every thing seemed to be in a most favourable train, when imprudently settling some future plans of domestic economy, I was dismissed with the epithet of a mean, avaricious wretch. My next adventure was with a young lady, who, with a moderate fortune, and a handsome person, had secured to herself, at least, a score of humble admirers, when I fortunately stepped in, and she very condescendingly reduced the number to half a dozen, besides myself. I believe I should have carried the prize, had not a tall man of blood, yclept captain, have come in between; and on my excusing myself from standing to be honourably shot through

the head, he very civilly took me by the -nose:-this so enraged me, although one of the mildest of men, that I cudgelled him, both to his and to my own perfect satisfaction. For this affront on a gentleman, and a man of honour, I was dismissed as a low bred, unfashionable fellow, greatly deficient in the Ton.Not yet intimidated, I next waited upon a demure looking creature, who lamented. the depravity of the age from morning to night. Here I am suited, thought I, no fear of red-coats; when, as I was one night going to hear her rail against the forwardness of the little misses in their teens, I entered upon her too suddenly, and found her demonstrating the attraction and adhesiou of ladies, to her footman.-I next became enamoured of the accomplished daughter of a rich old farmer; who, feeling his own great deficiency in all human learning, was resolved to make his daughter a prodigy. She could read a page of Walter Scott without lisping more than a dozen mistakes; she could recite a passage in a play with all the grace of the amateur of fashion; she could thump a Sonata on the Piano with most discordant fascination; and she could draw without any fear of punishment from the breach of the second commandment. These rare accomplishments won my heart; when an ticipating my union with the accom plished phenomenon, she cruelly deserted me for the irresistible attractions of a strolling player.-Dissatisfied with poems and plays, pianos and paint, I next bowed down to a learned lady, who could harangue in Latin with all the eloquence of a college professor; who could spout Greek with parsonic purity; who could write a criticism on a plain passage in a Greek or Latin author, until it became unintelligible; who could unriddle all the dark meanings of Aristotle; and who could prove, to a demonstration, that the ancients were sages, and the moderns, blockheads.Well versed in the philosophy of the schools, both ancient and modern. Insensible to externals, even to stoicism; for so far had she carried her apathy, that she had actually written a treatise against the passions, and was one night reading to me the chapter against anger, when the maid servant coming in to prepare supper, unfortunately overturned the inkstand upon some critical nate

[ocr errors]

were Bachelors; and if they were inrended as examples for our imitation,

tant a point. That great apostle of the
gentiles, St. Paul, not only discounte-
nanced matrimony by his practice, but
expressly recommended a life of celibacy,
as a virtue; and with such authority, all
parliamentary arguments vanish like *
smoke. That the ladies should not coin-
cide with the wholesome advice-giving,
and woman-silencing apostle, is no ways
extraordinary; but that Mr. Vansittart-,
the zealous supporter of the Bible So,
ciety, should, by the tax in questions
set aside the authority of St. Paul, ie
truly surprising. Notwithstanding the
seeming proofs of his piety, unless he
withdraw this most unchristian tax, we
shall be led to judge, that he has allow- -
ed his gallantry to get the better of his
christianity.
Yours, &c.

AN OLD BACHELOR.

CORN LAWS.

on a Greek author, and thus spoiled the labours of a whole fortnight. This was too much for the mild follower of Zeno.-urely we ought to hesitate on so impor The inkstand was expelled at the head of the terrified Abigail, with philosophic rage; and on my innocently requesting her to conclude the chapter on anger, she gave a practical illustration of her system, by furiously dispatching the treatise full in my face. Perfectly satisfied with lady philosophers, I next offered my self to a devotee; trusting that christianity would teach a milder' behaviour. Here I was dragged to the conventicle, every Lord's-day, three times at least; besides attending conferences, night meetings, &c. on the week day; and if I had not indulged a little mistimed scepticism, I might have been united to the most devout lady in Christendoni: but happening to doubt of Serpent-logicians, and Ass-orators, I was dismissed as an infidel whom, for the glory of God, it would be well to roast into the faith.-So anxlous was I to become a Benedict, that I Lincolnshire, March, 12th. 1815. next became the humble suppliant of my own housemaid; a tall, stout, malogany faced damsel, whom I believe I SIR.I wish to argue the subject on should have taken for better or for worse reasonable grounds, and as there is so but indiscreetly offending her on the much noise about the Corn Bill, I trust. much dreaded washing day, the enraged | you will give place to these few observaAmazon, with ponderous fist, so obtions. Before the war, bread was 6d, the scured my perception, that I was ever quartern loaf; and play what makes it aiter blind to her qualifications.—Having dear now? Have we not the same porhad sufficient experience of the mo- tion of land to grow corn on, as we had dérns, as a last resource, I poured forth before the war? Nay, I will answer, a my passion to a rich old Spinster, when considerable deal more, by the immense I was near leading to the altar, when the inclosure of waste land which, I may grim tyrant death intruded, and snatched say, has been taken from the poor, and ter away from the enamoured swain: given to the rich. They have deprived Icould willingly have engaged with some them of the land, and now they have the other antique, but with the mournful impudence to say, that they will not grow event before me, of the instability of life corn on it, unless you give them what in the aged, I was fearful of too soon price they choose to ask. Have we not being left in a widowed state. Grown equally as good farmers as we had before ́ grey na life of fruitless importunity; I the war; and is not the land as producHad reconciled myself to my fate, with tive? What then is the reason they canibrosophical fortitude, when lo! the not grow as mutli con now, as they did mister opened his budget, and thus before the war? It is because of the prevented me ait indulgence so necessary entornous load of taxes with which we to my declining years. If I be thought are oppressed. I consider all the noise" to have failed in proving the oppres- now making by the supporters of the corn sion of the tax, By my listory, I shall bill, as nought but a big-bear to frighten appeal to cripture, trusting that every usa false alarm-an invention to augood christian will coincide with my arthorise the establishment of a despotism guments. To search for names who have adc & a histre to that of Bachelor, would be an endless task: suffice it to Say that Jesus Crist, and-fifs-di cilés,

injurious to the liberties and happiness? of the people, The fact is, the warwhoop faction have got rid of the proIperty-tax, and have aheady laid it upon

the shoulders of the mercantile people. | back parlour and the piano; the men Should this bill pass through the house for having changed the smock-frock, and of their "noble-mindednesses," the bur- carters whip, for the military cut, superthen, with the head and all, will be too fine coat, lined with silk, his Wellington heavy for the shoulders. But supposing boots, his jemmy rattan, and bit of blood. the landholder was formerly necessitated Dumplins too are forsaken for dainties; to raise his tenant's rent, to enable him and it is reckoned among the number of to pay the Government demand of 101. the farmer's high crimes and misdemeanper cent. property-tax, the landholder ours, that they feed no longer on ox was not even then the loser, as it all came cheek and beef legs. I request you my out of the loaf. Now that that demand brother farmers to note this. You are is over, let the landholder take off the to be clothed with the smock-frock, go 101. per cent. which he put on his tenant, in high shoes and hob nails, feed on the and let Government reduce the most op- offal of your produce, send all your poulpressive part of the farmer's taxes. This try, eggs, butter, cream, &c. to market, would be the most equitable way of en- that the appetite of those who have burcouraging the growth of corn, and giving thened you with excessive taxation may us bread at a moderate price. If we be pampered at a cheap rate, fare sumpmusth ave taxes, let us have them on any tuously every day, roll along the street thing else but the loaf. By these means, n splendid equipages, and mock and and these only, we will be enabled to pro- deride the clownish awkwardness which, cure a foreign market for our manufac- in their prejudiced eyes, is necessary to tures, without which there is no chance the selling of cheap corn. It may perof reducing the price of bread, and of haps be thought illiberal to accuse Arisrestoring England to its former prospe- tides of wilfully settting one class of the rity. Although I like your reasoning in community against another. I must, general, Mr. Cobbett, I wish to know therefore, impute the false description how we are likely, (if passive obedience he has given, to a complete ignorance of be the order of the day) to get redress the mode and habits of life of so respectin the event of their "noble minded-able a class of the community as the "nesses" rejecting the voice of the people in their petition against the obnoxious corn bill. If the only constitutional mode of petitioning should be rejected, and the intimidating force of an army of soldiers be resorted to, I should like you to point out the remedy, as I am at a loss to imagine one. I am, &c.

March 15, 1815.

W. P. R.

generality of British farmers. It is not unlikely he may have been entertained by the military fop he has pourtrayed; and if such characters are to be found amongst farmers, Aristides should have been charitable enough to have acknowledged the real cause of their creation and existence, which he must know to have arisen out of the late wicked, unjust, and unnecessary war. If he had on this DEFENCE OF THE FARMERS. subject reasoned with his accustomed acuteness, he must have known that Mr. COBBETT-Amongst the various none put on the military habit with more opinions which have lately appeared on reluctance than the farmer; that he was the subject of Corn Laws, scarcely any induced to become a volunteer by the have been free from an admixture of illi-infiuence of government, thro' the meberal abuse of the farmers of England, and some of your cerrespondents have falien into that vulgar error, for so must be allowed to consider it; and my surprise is much encreased to find your otherwise sensible" correspondent Aristides turned accuser of the farmers in Register of the 25th ult. Amongst some plausible reasons for the high price of corn, he assigns the principle one to be the high and luxuriant living of the farmer, whose family he describes as having forsaken the dairy and the churn, for the

your

dium of the magistrate and his landlord, by whom he was in many instances, threatened with notice to quit his farm if he did not comply with the military requisition. His family, too, were often invited to the festive board, to join the merry dance ;and if the female part imitated the dress and manners of their new associates, the colonel's and the squire's lady; if they were tempted to learn the martial air, and the jocund song on the piano, can this possibly be assigned by any sound reason as the true cause by

3

they cannot sell their corn cheap? Corn
has not risen in price more than the oak
tree, the deal board, or the tallow can-
dle, and till it can be proved that the
increased price of these articles is owing
to the luxuriant living of the timber mer-
chant, the carpenter, and the tallow
chandler, the advance in the price of
corn cannot be attributed to the extrava-
gant living of the farmer. But, Sir, I
deny the fact that the generality of the
farmers, or their wives and daughters,
are what Aristides has described them
to be; or that their situation is improved
by an increase of either their luxuries or
comforts. More than a century ago that
facetious poet Pryor described the situa-
tion of farmers (not as living on ox cheek
or beef legs but) as living hospitably, and
being surrounded with plenty:
Large oxen in the field were lowing,

Good grain was sown, good fruit was growing;
Of last year's corn in barns good store,
Fat turkies gobbling at the door;
How strong the beer, how good the meat,
How loud they laugh'd, how much they eat.

Many other authorities might be quoted within the compass of a farmer's reading, to prove their situation to have been that of plenty and comfort, and that they could entertain their friends with true hospitality; nay even jovially, without incurring the reproach of making corn dear. Who can enter a farm house in the present day, without seeing in the corner cupboard the punch bowl of his grand-father, which, when in his possession was often replenished to welcome the coming guest and cheer the weary traveller; but is now only an article of old china to be wiped of its dust, and set up as an ornament of ancient times. The untaxed ale, which cheered the countenance, and made glad the heart of man, is now no more. It, alas! is obliged to give way to a thinner liquor, more endangering the visitor with the gripes than the gout. Leaving, however, the description of the poets, and calling in aid personal recollection, I could state instances of farmer's keepingcomfortable carriages, principally employed for carrying their families to worship, giving them a jaunt to the market, or conveying them to a family party at christmas; but tho' I am now acquainted with a hundred times as many farmers as I was then,

this convenience is looked for in vain. It is replaced, in some instances, with the humblest buggy, but more frequently with the taxed cart; and the appearance of the farmer now, when compared with his grand-father, is that of a pauper being passed home to his parish; he now rides to market or to worship, gingling and shaking and gnashing of teeth.

But why are these comforts filed? It cannot be unknown to Aristides, that they are laid aside to answer the demands of the tax-gatherer, who threatens to swallow up all our comforts, and deprive us of all our conveniences, to enrich those who are partakers and dividers of the spoil. I am told that farmers drink, and get drunk too. So does the parson, the lawyer, the senator, and the states. man. But are we, on that account, to accuse the whole of those classes with this nauseous vice, and charge them with all the mischief and calamity that awaits this once happy country? Such a mode of reasoning would be accounted illiberal and inconclusive. It must be equally so if the whole body of farmers are to be judged by the indiscretion of a few fops and sots. It should also be taken into consideration, Who have turned farmers? It must be allowed, before the character of the English farmer is truly appreciated, that all retired merchants, military gentlemen out of employ, disappointed and unsuccessful speculators, with the rem nants of their broken fortunes, must be struck from the list; then I may safely aver that the farmers of England have not abated one jot or tittle in the habits of industry, economy, or frugality, or increased in luxuries. It must likewise be granted, that farmers of enterprise, who have made large fortunes, cannot be considered a fair sample of the generality of farmers. If they have got too rich by turning the desert into a garden, tho' they may in common with other successful classes of society, live luxuriantly, I cannot see how they have made corn dear by growing abundance where none grew before. It is a fact universally admitted, that where several farms have been laid together, cultivation has improved and the quantum of corn much increased; a sufficient proof that this cannot contribute to raise the price of corn.

Having combated these false notions. of your correspondent, and others of like

let the pen of Aristides be directed against the common enemy taxation and corruption, those co-partners in mischief and misery. Then may we be brought back to the enjoyment of the blessings of our ancient constitution and the constable's staff, instead of a large military force, and an embroidered militia in time of peace. While economy and retrenchment are recommended to the farmer, we will kindly return the good advice, and recommend it to government also as the only efficient remedy for our aggravated evils. Yes, while we are curtailing comfort after comfort, convenience after convenience, we advise those above us to share in the like privations; and while our laborers are bearing with patience a reduction of 2d. or 3d. in the shilling, on account of the reduced price of provisions, let us demand also that the servants of the state should be reduced in the same rate. I could easily point out what a load of taxation the good people of England might be relieved of from this just and well-founded claim being adopted, from the prince on the throne thro' every department of the state and every servant in office; but I shall leave this to abler pens, and as my chief object was to defend the farmers from those ill-founded and precipitate charges of extravagance and luxury which have been brought against them, arising no doubt from gross misconception, I shall couclude with subscribing myself their de

opinion, may I be allowed to state what I conceive to be the real cause of creating a necessity for making corn dear. It must be attributed by every considerate mind to increased rents and overwhelming taxation. All our political economists have ascribed the progressive rise in the various articles of life to these causes; but there is no occasion for quotations; we can cast a sum in addition or snbtraction: multiplication is brought to our recollection by a increase of evils; and the result of our little arithmetic may be solved by a simple question in the rule of three: If an advance in rent and taxes has increased our expences fourfold, what price must corn be at to enable us to hold our farms and retain our situations? The answer is obvious. It is also clear, that if a large abatement of rent cannot be obtained, a considerable diminution of taxation, and a total riddance of the tythe system, so monstrous, so oppressive and vexatious, there will be no alternative but emigration or a jail. It is equally evident, that there are not only one but many countries where, in mercy to mankind, tythes are abolished, rents one fourth of the rents of England, taxes comparatively none; and altho' it is our wish and our pleasure to raise corn in abundance, and sell it cheap to the good people of England, we cannot perform impossibilities. If we are taxed and teazed out and obliged to abandon our native soil, we must cross the channel in such numbers that it might puz-voted friend and servant. zle a long headed chancellor to raise his revenues from those who remain. The landlords also will find it difficult to obtain tenants for their farms. As to the Corn Bill now proceeding in Parliament, and which excites such dreadful agitation, I am free to declare that a large portion of farmers do not wish it to pass, because they consider it to be instru- Who assur❜d us, the Yankees would all run away, mental in advancing the price of their Soon as ever they came within sight of our men, labour, keeping up rents, and perpelva-And that England would make them her subjects fing taxes, which ought to be repealed. They are truly alarmed at a peace estab-One would think, they believed these American lishment of nineteen millions a year,

R. F.

America Triumphant.

THOSE vile slaves of corruption, what now wil} they say,

again.

elves,

and believe with you, Sir, that there is Were compos'd of sucli dastardly stuff as themselves, no necessity for such an expenditure; They forgot, that their bosoms beat high in the that this excessive taxation is the rich

ca use

pasture on which corruption feeds, fattens | Of true LIBERT JUSTICE, RELIGION, and LAWS, and grows insolent. Why then inflame And that one common spirit pervaded the land, the public mind against the farmer? To resist the Aggressions, Injustice had plann’d. Why not, to use a farnier's expression, lay Alas! had our Rulers wise measures observ❜ð, then? Rather Had they ne'er four a prst-line of policy swerv'd;

« AnteriorContinuar »